I don’t know about you, but dating someone in this day in age can be, what’s the word? Interesting. Yes, there are apps to make it easier to meet new people, but these same apps make it harder to really get to know people. You’re making your first decision about a stranger based on their looks and then maybe what’s on their profile. But sometimes there isn’t anything written at all, which then places all of the emphasis on appearance. I can easily say that I am a novice when it comes to technological matchmaking, but there are things that have become noticeable when it comes to the medium of dating apps for the millennial generation.
Don’t be Spooked, but You’ve Got Yourself a Ghost
Oh, the all too familiar ghosting… It sucks. It makes you think you did something wrong, or if you’re the one doing the ghosting, the rationale is that you believe you’re sparing their feelings. Trust me, you’re not. I’ve been the giver and the receiver of such treatment, and it sucks on both ends. It’s difficult to tell someone you’re no longer interested, especially if there’s an opportunity for them to ask what they did wrong, more times than not it’s due to personal preference and not particularly due to the other persons faults. You’ve only just met. But maybe that’s why we think a good and easier option would be to just drop them and move on? Not entirely sure. And for those not familiar with ghosting, by definition it refers to “the act of suddenly ceasing all communications with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will get the hint and leave the subject alone.” Correct me if I’m wrong, when it comes to dating apps, this is how it normally goes down: You match with a stranger, strike up a conversation, start to get to know them and then communications begin to dwindle until one or both of you just ignore one another. Sometimes you think you hit it off, sometimes they think you hit it off, but in this scenario it ends the same; one of you keeps clinging onto the empty promise of finally meeting up (or meeting again) while keeping the read receipts on and continues to open Snapchats with no intention of replying to either of them. Boo bitch, because you just got ghosted.
A Day Late, and a Reply Short
Don’t quit your day job to become a firefighter, a police officer, or an EMT because you are a late responder. Have you ever matched with someone and their replies came in slowly or they were just always sporadic? Yes, I hate this too, and yes, I’ve been that person. Sometimes the person is genuinely busy when they reply after a day and a half saying they were very busy, or maybe they looked at it and forgot to respond (I do that more than I care to admit), but ultimately, if someone is late to respond it’s because they either don’t care that much or they truly aren’t that interested. It’s a fact. When someone likes you, they will get back to you. Shall I repeat this tidbit of information? When someone likes you, you will be texted, snapped, DM’d and/or called back. They can be considerate and tell you they’re busy and will get back to you later when they have the time, but when someone likes you, they’ll get back to you earlier than a day and a half and not give you a lame excuse for their late response. If you’re constantly waiting on a reply, move on, because they already have.
Tell me I’m Smart, not that I’m Hot
Compliments are nice and all, and I hate to be the one to break it to you, but flattery won’t get you into my pants. There have been a handful of times when I match with someone and their initial message has something to do with my looks, and I’m not trying to come off as rude and I also know that appearance plays a huge role when it comes to attracting people, but DO NOT tell me how f**king hot I am. If I ever had an interest in you, that’s the exact moment it died, along with any hopes of chivalry. I know, I know, we’re talking about dating apps and I’m not expecting someone to ask me if I’m DTF with perfect sentence structure and flawless grammar, but a girl can dream. It’s nice for someone to say that I’m beautiful (thank you, I got it from my mama), but when you’re trying to show your interest in someone, maybe refrain from using words like hot or utilizing expletives to emphasize words such as hot. I may be reading too much into it, after all those who’ve sent that think it’s a good compliment, but it makes me think that’s all that I am. And if that’s all they think of me, then that’s a turnoff. I may not be the brightest bulb in the shed, but I don’t want to be viewed as just another pretty face (P.S. I hope you know I messed up that idiom on purpose).
Know What You Want
When it comes to chatting up a perspective romantic interest, be sure to know what you want and be sure that the other person is on the same page. There’s no shame in looking for a hookup. You do you. But the mistake in this endeavor is pretending that you’re ok with it when you’re really looking for something more. Don’t be that person. Don’t pretend you’re fine being a booty-call or a one-night stand, when you’re not. But also remember that sometimes what you’re looking for won’t come from an app on your phone. You have to know what you want before you sign up and start swiping right. When you know, being ghosted won’t sting too badly and those messages about how hot your profile pictures are, won’t rub you the wrong way. It’s your chance to have a little fun and meet new people. If there’s one thing to take away from using dating apps it’s just that, and also getting new phone numbers and social media handles from strangers. Have a good time swiping, it will certainly be interesting.