When it comes to relationships, are we a bunch of therapists?
I recently read somewhere, something along the lines of “You don’t need a relationship, you need sex and a therapist.” At first I laughed, but then I thought to myself, is that all that relationships are? The ability to have someone on speed dial that we can talk whenever, wherever, at all hours, that we are also romantic with? Minus the billable hours and the lack of them getting fired for getting involved with a patient. Is that all we are? Are we just a bunch of therapists without a PhD.?
For me, a large portion of a romantic relationship was about confiding in the other person and knowing they were always there to discuss the good and the bad. Like a therapist, a relationship offers the security of knowing you have a person to go to with all your thoughts and feelings. When you’re alone, you don’t have that luxury. You have to discuss things with the voice inside your head and your heart to navigate through the world. You don’t know if your decisions are entirely good, bad, right or wrong. Of course you have friends that can help you out, but you don’t want to bother them all the time with every little thing. But with a significant other, they’re there for you to bother with every little thing. I’m kidding, but not entirely.
There may be a Reason Behind Random Hook-Ups
So when you’re not in a relationship, do our friends become our personal therapists? And if so, is that why people may bounce around from romantic fling to romantic fling because their emotional needs are being met by a friend? For example, do you know someone or have been that someone, who went through a breakup and then went through a phase of hooking up with people? If so, my reasoning is that it’s because you’re not only no longer getting your daily dose of therapy, but you’re also no longer getting any dose of sexual gratification. So, we latch onto our friends for the therapy portion, and seek out strangers for the romantic portion.
Why Do We Go Back before we Go Forward
But how do we explain the “slip ups” of returning back to an ex for a night, or a week, or a month? Maybe it’s due to a friend not being there when you need them, or your booty call not responding. So you “give in” and reach out to the person you think, or maybe even know, will get back to you, your ex. Going back to an ex is layered within various intentions and is difficult to deconstruct. But I view it as partly due to habits and also the prior explained therapy and sex theory. The habit theory however, is about how we as people develop habits and it is extremely difficult to break them. Have you ever seen or heard about 28-day workout challenges? Or any kind of activity that involves 28 days as their target amount of days to accomplish whatever the task is? It’s because it supposedly takes 28 days to make or break a habit. So after a breakup, when you or someone you know reaches out to their ex, it can be partly because this person was a part of their daily routine and now they’re not. This person was also their best friend that they saw or spoke to everyday and confided in. This person became a habit, which can’t be broken over night. So instead of judging the friend or even yourself too harshly, understand that it may not entirely be your friend’s or your fault for going back. Break ups are a process. And you can’t rush the process. Which may also be why people jump back into a relationship after a breakup because they were able to find a new person that balances sex and therapy. You know, the rebound relationship.
It’s hard to say why exactly a freshly broken up individual gets involved in another relationship, but it could be a multitude of explanations. But maybe what was found in this new person was something your friends can’t necessarily provide. I’m certainly no expert on relationships or how to give accurate advice in that area. These are just thoughts about the possible reasons as to why we do what we do when it comes to romantic relationships.
All we Need is Sex and Therapy
So, do you think it’s true that all we need is sex and a therapist and not a relationship? And is that because relationships provide us with that balance of sex and therapy? I’m not entirely sure, but I may need to run some experiments to properly test my hypothesis.